I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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