we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
