i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
