you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
