forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's shark week go big or go home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
