I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
