this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
