I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Someone came in the potted fern
Floor bacon is actually really good
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
