I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
