Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
