i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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