remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
