Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Liz is crying about burritos again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
