We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
