There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The ass gains better be worth it
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