I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He better not be in your backpack
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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