taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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