she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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