so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
