Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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