eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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