turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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