Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
