I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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