Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
