what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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