I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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