I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
