Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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