God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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