I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
