really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
