??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize