The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
