If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
