yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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