I want to have your abortion
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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