I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
