Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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