Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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