i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just tell him i said nine months
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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