Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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