i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
