Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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