Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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