1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
