Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
