look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
bring money and cleavage
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
