i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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