my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
