Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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