Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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