so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
