...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
