if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
