Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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