Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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