Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
