ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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