We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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