making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
