Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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