would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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