Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
