Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
