she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
