im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
PANTIES FOUND
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
