she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
