if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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