doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
